With my tongue firmly in my cheek and Lucifer sitting on my shoulder, a ladle firmly clenched in my hand and a bucket of poo at my feet, while sporting a dinky di, true blue, supercilious, patriotic grin, may I, laconically say: it’s bloody un-Australian to be “overtly” waving the our flag on Oz day, or any day for that matter - overtly speaking of course.
Have ya noticed the trend, my friend. Flags are flapping up everywhere: stuck on sticks on cars, supermarket trollies, cyclists, the list is endless. I dreamt of one stuck in a bumcrack. You know it’s gone too far when you have nightmares like that. It’s time to slip, slap and slop a lotion of truth onto the traitors to our Australia Day traditions.
What has possessed us to suddenly become so “flagrant” as to rant about our flag. Historically we are not known for our jingoism. Lets face it, we are a nation born of convict stock and corruption, resulting in a healthy disrespect for authority that bred the iconic “larrikin” Aussie bronzed Anzac - the digger battlers that proved their worth to the world at Gallipoli, while simultaneously giving the pommy high command a taste of our egalitarian independence. Not to forget the women of this great country, who together helped forge this great island continent poetically girt by sea.
Unlike other nations, especially the US, who stand with a firm hand on their hearts to their national anthem and swear blind allegiance to its authority, we Aussies have historically snubbed such open displays of nationalism. We have something better: our own form of true patriotism - mateship that represents the people - not an obligation to a flag that represents a dual identity and an inherited constitution. So, let’s leave all the jingoistic bullshit to the Poms and Yankee Doodle Dandies - that’s what they do best! And let’s not import foreign cultures to our shores - Poms that have used and abused our friendship and Yanks that have corrupted our culture enough.
Take a good look at our flag. What do you see? Seriously, do you see anything remotely Australian about it. Even the southern cross is not exclusive to us. I personally, see Britannia ruling the waves. The colours are all wrong for Australia. I can’t relate to it. Bugger me dead mate, let’s colour it with an Aussie identity - the boxing kangaroo - Eureka - anything but that fucking symbol of imperialism, the Union Jack.
When I was growing nipper, the flag was seen only on official flag poles - we didn’t give a rat’s arse about these new, hand held, tiny, cheap imitations that are flooding the market today - Yuk! In the past we celebrated our “flagless” patriotism in our own unique, true blue style - an identity that has branded us world-wide - sport - surf regattas, carnivals and a relaxed day at the beach.
Today we are instructed with ads on TV, Radio, how we should celebrate - Yeah, fair suck of the sav bazza, like we need to be told? What crap. Come on Aussie, come ooooon - wake up to yourself, reclaim your lost identity and tell ‘em to shove it. Do what we have done for decades, celebrate without the stamp of authority and keep the old laconic Aussie tradition alive. Empower it with our trademark national character recognised world-wide - relaxed, spontaneous, understated egalitarianism - confident of who we are - our abundance and achievements without the tedious boredom of officialdom.
And get this cobber! The greatest irony of all. These cheap little flags aren’t even made here (the majority of them at least). Most are made in - you guessed it - China! Fair dinkum, friggin’ China. Now why would we want to support their economy on our National Day - it’s bloody un-Australian...mate!
We should flick the flag, at least until we get a decent one to replace the rag we have...but that’s another topic for another blog.
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2 comments:
Spot on, Fred .... ripper tune, Boris! A piece to equal, even better, one of my rants about jingoism cum xenophobia and the alarming rise and rise of the-hand-on-heart, flag-waving or wrapping-around-the-body bullshit as we ape our colleagues across the Pacific.
What gave me a severe bowel movement was the cashing in by one liquor chain who were "giving away" flags you could stick on your car with every slab or carton of foreign beers or mixers ... an irony which would have gone unnoticed by the chattering classes intent on shoving flags in your face or on their own faces for that matter.
We must have a flag of our own ... even if it's in Ned Kelly's armoured image and an anthem that doesn't begin with the lines ..."Australian's let us all ring Joyce for she is young and freeeeee!"
Do you remember the classic observation from Seinfeld when asked what he thought about our flag? He replied "it looks like the British flag at night-time".
Fancy the Feds spending our taxes telling us how to observe and enjoy our National Day. Next thing you know they'll be telling us its compulsory to vote and how ...
I culturally cringe when I see people with face-flags, loitering around streets wrapped in this nondescript flag.
Fred, your piece is a bewdy and a bottler and I wish I'd written it!!!!!
I agree totally, this flag waving is not what Aussies are about. Yes, it's an import from US and UK. And who is to blame? THE MEDIA.
Like everything in modern life, the media try and succeed in running our lives. And who is to blame? TV.
Life was so simple before TV, the only influences were ourselves and the writings in BOOKS.
Now if everyone went back to reading books we would all be informed and educated instead of borrowing our opinions from the MEDIA. Who's laughing all the way to the bank over this jingoism? CHINA.
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